What is an Elopement Anyway? | A Guide to Modern-day Eloping
Ever heard someone mention they're "eloping" and immediately pictured a couple sneaking off to Vegas in the middle of the night? Well in 2025 (or if you’re reading this in the future) it’s not really what elopements look like anymore. The whole world of elopements has completely transformed over the past few years, and in New Zealand, it's becoming one of the most exciting ways to get married.
But lots of couples are still a bit confused about what modern elopements actually are, whether they're "allowed" to have guests, and if it counts as a "real" wedding.
Spoiler alert: it absolutely does, and you get to make all the rules. So if you've been curious about elopements but weren't quite sure what they involve or whether they might be right for you, this is your complete guide to understanding what eloping actually means in 2025.
The (Modern) Definition of Eloping
Let's start by completely throwing out everything you think you know about elopements.
The old-school definition involved couples literally running away together in secret, usually because their families disapproved or they couldn't afford a traditional wedding. Fast forward to today, and modern elopements are the complete opposite of secretive or desperate measures.
A modern elopement is an intentional, planned celebration that's completely focused on what you two actually want, rather than what everyone else expects. It's about stripping away all the "shoulds" and traditions that don't feel authentic to your relationship, and instead creating a day that's 100% about celebrating your love in a way that feels genuinely you.
Modern elopements are typically intimate (usually anywhere from just the two of you up to about 20 people), highly personalised, and often involve some kind of adventure or unique experience. Maybe that's saying your vows on a mountain peak, exchanging rings on a secluded beach, or having your ceremony in a forest clearing followed by a private dinner at your favourite restaurant. The key is that every single element is chosen because it makes you both happy, not because it's what weddings are "supposed" to look like.
Here's what defines a modern elopement:
Intentionally intimate (small guest list or just the two of you)
Completely customisable (you pick every tradition you keep or skip)
Experience-focused rather than stuff-focused
Authentically you (not performative for others)
Adventure-oriented (often involves travel or unique activities)
Less stressful planning (fewer people = fewer opinions and logistics)
The best part: there are literally no rules except the legal ones (marriage licence, celebrant, two witnesses). Everything else is entirely up to you.
Elopement vs Wedding vs Micro Wedding: What's the Difference?
This is where things get a bit confusing because people use these terms interchangeably, but they're actually quite different experiences. Let me break it down:
Traditional Wedding
Think 80+ guests, months of planning, formal venue, reception with dinner and dancing, bridal party, vendors galore, and a budget that might make you question your life choices. These are beautiful celebrations, but they're often more about hosting a party for everyone else than about the couple's actual preferences.
Micro Wedding
Usually 20-50 guests, scaled-down version of a traditional wedding with most of the same elements (ceremony, reception, formal attire, vendors) but smaller and more intimate. Still involves significant planning and coordination, but more manageable than a full wedding.
Elopement
Just the two of you or up to about 20 people max, highly personalised ceremony that often skips traditional wedding elements entirely. Instead of a reception, you might go on a hike, have a picnic, or book that fancy restaurant you've been wanting to try. The focus is on experiences together rather than hosting others.
Intimate Wedding
This is kind of a hybrid — bigger than an elopement (maybe 20-40 people) but smaller than a traditional wedding, often keeping some traditional elements but in a more relaxed way. Some would say that there is no difference between a micro wedding and an intimate wedding. Depends on how you want to label or define your celebration.
The main difference is really about who the day is for. Traditional weddings are often about bringing together your communities and families to celebrate together. Elopements are about creating a deeply personal experience that's just for you two (plus maybe a handful of your very favourite humans).
Can You Have Guests at an Elopement?
One of the biggest misconceptions about elopements is that it has to be just the two of you in secret. Not true! You can absolutely have guests at your elopement, it's just about keeping the focus on intimacy rather than hosting a party.
Elopement guests are typically people who:
You genuinely can't imagine getting married without being there
Understand that this is your day, not a party thrown for them
Are excited about the unique experience rather than expecting traditional wedding elements
Won't be offended if you skip things like favours, assigned seating, or a formal reception
Some couples invite just their parents, others bring their siblings, and some include a small group of their closest friends. The key is that everyone there is someone whose presence makes your day feel more special, not more stressful.
Pro tip: if you're spending more time worrying about how to accommodate your guests than planning what you actually want to do, you might want to consider going smaller or having a separate celebration for extended family and friends later.
Is Eloping Right for You? A Quick Self-Check
You're probably an elopement couple if you find yourself saying:
✓ "Wedding planning stress is making us miserable"
✓ "We'd rather spend money on experiences than hosting a party"
✓ "The idea of a private, intimate ceremony sounds perfect"
✓ "We want our wedding to feel like us, not like everyone else's"
✓ "Adventure and doing something unique excites us"
✓ "We prefer deep conversations to small talk"
✓ "Family pressure about traditions is stressing us out"
✓ "Big social events drain our energy"
✓ "We want to focus on each other, not hosting duties"
And you might especially love eloping if:
You've always been more about experiences than material things
You love travel and the idea of combining your wedding with an amazing trip
You're outdoor enthusiasts who'd rather get married on a mountain than in a ballroom
You're creative types who want to do something completely original
You've been to traditional weddings and thought "this just isn't us"
You want incredible photos without the stress of coordinating 100+ people
You value privacy and intimate moments over public celebrations
The honest truth: Elopements aren't right for everyone, and that's totally fine! If you genuinely love the idea of celebrating with all your extended family and friends, if traditional elements feel meaningful to you, or if you thrive in social situations and want that big party energy, a traditional wedding might be more your style. The best wedding is the one that feels authentic to you both.
Ticking Off Half That List?
If you found yourself nodding along to most of those points, you might have just discovered that eloping is exactly what you've been looking for (even if you didn't know it yet!).
The tricky part? Figuring out how to turn that "this sounds perfect" feeling into an actual plan.
As someone who's photographed dozens of New Zealand elopements, I've helped couples navigate everything from finding the perfect secret location to handling all the legal bits so you don't have to stress about permits or paperwork.
Common Elopement Myths & Misconceptions
There are so many outdated ideas floating around about elopements that honestly drive me a bit crazy because they stop couples from considering what could be their perfect wedding style. Let's clear some things up:
Myth #1: "Elopements are selfish"
Reality: Choosing to celebrate your marriage in a way that feels authentic to you is the opposite of selfish — it's honest. Traditional weddings often become more about meeting everyone else's expectations than about the couple getting married. An elopement puts the focus back where it belongs: on your commitment to each other.
Myth #2: "You can't have any guests at an elopement"
Reality: Elopements can include anyone you want! The difference is that your guest list includes only people whose presence enhances your day rather than people you feel obligated to invite. Many elopements include parents, siblings, or best friends.
Myth #3: "Elopements are just cheap weddings for people who can't afford the 'real thing'"
Reality: Modern elopements often cost anywhere from $5,000 to $30,000+ depending on what you choose to include. Many couples spend their wedding budget on incredible experiences, luxury accommodations, amazing photography, or once-in-a-lifetime adventures instead of feeding 150 people dinner.
Myth #4: "It's not a 'real' wedding"
Reality: If you get legally married with a celebrant and witnesses, it's exactly as "real" as any other wedding. The legal requirements are identical whether you have 2 guests or 200.
Myth #5: "You can't wear a wedding dress or have professional photos"
Reality: You can have anything you want at your elopement! Wear the most epic wedding dress, hire the best photographer, have flowers, cake, music — whatever makes you happy. The only difference is you're not doing it because you feel like you have to.
Myth #6: "Elopements are only courthouse ceremonies"
Reality: While courthouse weddings are one option, most modern elopements happen in incredible locations — mountain peaks, beaches, forests, vineyards, or anywhere else that feels special to you. New Zealand elopements can literally be anywhere from glaciers to geothermal pools.
Myth #7: "Your family will be devastated"
Reality: While some family members might need time to adjust to the idea, most people who love you want you to be happy. Many couples find that their families are ultimately excited about their choice, especially when they see how much more relaxed and joyful the couple is about their wedding planning.
Myth #8: "You have to keep it secret"
Reality: Some couples choose to keep their elopement private until afterward, but others share their plans with family and friends. You might even livestream your ceremony or have a casual celebration afterward to share the joy with people who couldn't be there.
Making It Legal: The Paperwork Side
Getting legally married in New Zealand is refreshingly straightforward, whether you're having an elopement or a 300-person wedding. Here's exactly what you need to know:
Marriage Licence Requirements
You'll need to apply for a New Zealand marriage licence at least 3 working days before your ceremony. The licence costs $150 and is valid for 3 months. You can apply online even if you're currently overseas, which makes it perfect for couples travelling here for their elopement.
What you need:
Both partners' personal details and identification
Date and location of your ceremony
Your celebrant's name (you'll need to book them first)
$150 fee payment
Two Witnesses Required
This is where elopements get interesting — you legally need two witnesses to sign your marriage documents, but they can be anyone! Your photographer and videographer often serve as witnesses, or you might bring along two close friends or family members. Some celebrants can even arrange witnesses for you if you're eloping completely solo.
Celebrant Requirement
You must have a registered celebrant perform your ceremony. This can be a traditional celebrant, a religious minister, or even someone you know who's gotten registered specifically for your elopement (yes, friends can become celebrants just for you!).
Location Flexibility
Unlike some countries, you can get married literally anywhere in New Zealand: beaches, mountains, private properties, national parks, you name it. Your marriage licence isn't tied to a specific venue, just the general location you list on your application.
For overseas couples: Your New Zealand marriage certificate is legally recognised in most countries, though you may need an apostille or authentication depending on your home country's requirements.
For more info on the exact steps on how to elope, check out my guide on how to elope in New Zealand.
Elopement FAQs: Your Most Common Questions Answered
1. "How much does an elopement cost?"
In New Zealand, elopements typically range from $5,000 to $30,000+ depending on what you include. Basic costs are your marriage licence ($150), celebrant ($400-1000), and photographer ($2,000-8,000+). From there, you might add helicopter flights, luxury accommodation, professional hair and makeup, flowers, or multi-day adventure experiences.
The beauty of elopements is that you can allocate your budget exactly where it matters most to you — maybe that's an incredible photographer and a helicopter to a glacier, or perhaps it's a luxury lodge and a private chef.
2. "How far in advance should we plan?"
Elopements are much more flexible than traditional weddings! You could technically plan one in just a few weeks (remember, you only need 3 working days for the marriage licence), but most couples plan 3-6 months in advance to ensure they get their preferred photographer, location access, and any special experiences they want.
Peak season: Summer (December-February) books up fastest, especially around holidays. If you're flexible with dates, you'll have more options and often better pricing.
3. "Can we still have a celebration with family and friends later?"
Absolutely! Many couples have a small, intimate elopement followed by a casual celebration, backyard party, or "sequel wedding" for extended family and friends. This gives you the best of both worlds, the intimate experience you want plus the chance to celebrate with your broader community.
4. "What if our families are upset about not being invited?"
This is honestly one of the biggest concerns couples have, and it's completely understandable. Some strategies that work:
Explain that it's about creating the right experience for you, not about excluding anyone
Consider having a livestream so people can still witness your ceremony
Plan a celebration afterward where everyone can be included (there’s no rule that says you can’t throw a wedding reception weeks or months after you get married!)
Give people plenty of notice so it doesn't feel like a shock
Remember that people who truly love you want you to be happy
Most families come around when they see how much joy and peace your choice brings you.
5. "Can we still do traditional things like flowers, cake, first dance?"
Yes to anything that feels meaningful to you! The whole point of eloping is that you get to keep the traditions you love and skip the ones that don't resonate. Want a bouquet? Get the most beautiful one ever. Love cake? Order something amazing just for you two. Want to dance? Bring a portable speaker to your mountain ceremony or book a restaurant with live jazz nights.
6. "What about photos? Can we still get amazing wedding photos?"
This might be my favourite thing about elopements — the photos are often more incredible than traditional wedding photos because you have so much more time and flexibility. Instead of rushed family photos and 20 minutes for couple portraits, you might spend hours in stunning locations with perfect lighting and zero time pressure.
Your photographer becomes part of your adventure rather than just documentation, and the results are usually much more authentic and dramatic.
7. "What happens if it rains on our elopement day?"
New Zealand weather can be unpredictable, but your photographer should always have backup plans! Sometimes rain actually creates the most dramatic, romantic photos. Indoor alternatives, covered locations, or even embracing the weather can lead to some of your most treasured memories.
Could I be... Your New Zealand elopement photographer?
If you're feeling totally inspired by the idea of creating your own authentic celebration but maybe slightly overwhelmed by all the possibilities (which is completely normal — New Zealand has way too many incredible options!), I'd love to help you turn your elopement dreams into reality. As both an elopement photographer and someone who's spent years exploring every corner of both islands, I don't just capture your day — I help you plan the perfect adventure that reflects who you are as a couple.
From scouting secret locations, to coordinating with celebrants and knowing exactly when the light hits that mountain just right, I've got the local expertise to make your elopement vision come to life seamlessly.
Ready to start planning your perfect New Zealand elopement adventure?
Shelby xx
follow me @tu.studios for more cinematic elopement inspo
